Recently Casey brought up the thought of homeschooling. I was immediately scared to death, thinking there was no way. Sure, I've thought of doing it before. Every day when I drop off my baby for preschool that begs me to let him stay with me I think about it. Then I go back to before he started preschool. I would try to teach him his ABCs, he wouldn't do it for me. If anyone else asked him what a letter was he almost always could tell them and be right. How can I teach this kid?
I always wanted to be a teacher. I even started going to school for a degree in teaching although I never finished. Apparently I felt I could teach other people's kids, why don't I feel confident in teaching my own kids?
I have worked with kids for 20 years (yikes! yes, that number is correct, I'm getting old) in church and daycare. I'm usually patient with other people's kids but mine not so much. I think it is because I hold my own kids to higher expectations and know what they are capable of. I don't like when they tell me they can't do something. I am not raising kids that CAN'T do things. You can do all things!
Honestly I don't feel smart enough. I made good grades in school but I had to work hard. Now I'm going to be teaching history (which I hate and never remember anything) and English (which I'm horrible at) to my kids. How am I going to teach those things I can't do myself.
I'm not very disciplined. I get everything done that I need to have done but not necessarily in a timely manner. I'm very much a procrastinator. I'm good at starting things but I'm not great at following through. This will certainly be something that I have to change.
I also don't love schedules. I like routine to an extent but I also like my freedom to do what I want when I want. If I want to run to the store, I want to go when I'm ready, not when we finish school work. I realize though, without a schedule I will never succeed in this venture.
Most people don't know this about me but I have fibromyalgia. I try very hard not to let it slow me down but it does. I try not to let it keep me from doing all I do but I have bad days. Some days I can barely bring myself to get off the couch. How will I do this?
My house will never be clean again. LOL! If you know me, you know this is for sure not a reason I wouldn't homeschool. My house is never clean anyway...at least this way I will have more of an excuse.
I could go on and on about my inadequacies and why I can't do this. However, I'm going to try and focus on why I should do this.
1. Although I really respect public school teachers and I know there are some great ones (I have many awesome friends who are amazing teachers), there are so many rules that I don't think teachers get a real chance to do their jobs well. There is so much "stuff" they have to do that gets in the way.
2. I don't feel my kids are necessarily able to reach their full potential. For example, last year Shane had a teacher that taught both K and 1st, so she was able to advance him in reading...this year, he is doing practically the same as all the other kids even though he is capable of more. And his class is behind others in some things because some of the kids in class just aren't getting it.
3. Public schools do not teach for boys. There is a lot of sitting and not a lot of moving about. I realize teachers can only do what they are allowed but most boys don't do well like that.
4. I don't want my kids learning about evolution and other stuff that goes against our beliefs.
5. I don't want my boys exposed to all the drugs, bullying, etc. I realize that is part of growing up but I don't want them to be constantly bombarded by it.
My biggest fear: Failure! What if this doesn't work for us? What if we can't continue and they have to go back to public school? What if they fall behind? What if? What if? What if?
I can't let the what ifs get in the way. Although I'm scared, I'm willing to try. I have been blessed by some amazing encouragement from friends and family. I'm still praying about it and have set up an appointment to talk with someone from Rocky Bayou Christian School about their umbrella program. If we do in fact decide homeschooling is for us we will begin this fall.