Wednesday, January 9, 2013


Why?  It is a question I've been asking myself a lot lately.  Why is there so much bad stuff happening lately?  Why are there so many hurting people in our world?  Why?  Why?  Why?  I know God has a plan for everything (yes, everything, even horrible stuff...he is going to use that too).  I once heard someone describe life as a puzzle.  Each event in life is like a piece of a giant puzzle (life).  We don't get to see the box, and we don't get all the pieces at once.  Only God knows what that puzzle will look like in the end, but it will always turn out how it is supposed to.  Sometimes the puzzle pieces don't make sense, sometimes we just can't see how they will fit but in the end it will all work out. 

Several years ago when I found myself pregnant again (which we so wanted, he was definitely planned) my excitement quickly changed to guilt as I thought about sharing with my family.  I knew they would be so excited for us but I also knew someone was going to be very sad.   My sister and her husband were trying and wanting a baby so bad.  And here I am having my second baby.  I felt so guilty...why do I get another baby?  Why won't God bless her with a baby?  It is a horrible feeling watching everyone around you have babies and you can't.   I just couldn't see it.  Well, we don't always have to wait until later in life to find out why.  In there situation another child would need them.  One that wouldn't be there's but that would need their love and support.  If God had blessed them with their own child earlier, they might have been too busy for this child that so desperately needed them.  I'm happy to report now that they have their own precious bun in the oven. 

A few years back another tragic thing happened.  My best friend suddenly lost her mom.  A little more than a year later she lost her dad.  She now finds herself raising her brother and sister along with her own little one.  She has lost so much.  Here my guilt comes back.  I don't know why, it isn't my fault I know.  But I feel guilty, I feel guilty that I still get to have my parents.  Sometimes when I'm hanging out with my mom, which I'm blessed to get to do alot I hurt for my friend that will never get those times with her mom again.  When I get frustrated with my dad, I start to feel guilty, why am I frustrated with him?  What wouldn't my friend do to have her dad here one more minute, regardless of how frustrating he might be? 

This week I've heard of another devastating situation with another friend.  In this situation I find myself angry.  Angry at myself, angry for letting a relationship fall through the cracks.  We live in the same town, I have facebook and texting.  Why are we only talking because once again tragedy has struck.  I'm feeling sorry, sorry that I can't change it, I can't help fix it.  And once again I'm feeling guilty.  Guilty that my life seems so good compared to this.  I'm so blessed.  I have a huge family that loves my crazy, abnoxious, sometimes very grumpy self.  My life isn't perfect but I don't need a thing.  I'm hurting for this friend.  I want to help.  All I can do is pray.  Seems like something so insignificant ( I know it isn't, just being real here).  Seems like a cop out to say I'm praying for you.  I really am but can she tell.  Does it give her peace?  Does it take away all her questions?  Does it give her answers?  I doubt it, I know she is full of questions, she is full of hurt.  My heart is broken for her.  Why, God, Why? 

I don't have the answer but I know someone who does.  I don't know how he will work this out for good but I know something good will come from it eventually.  What I do know it that my God is Great!  He will bring my friend through this tragedy.  I'm praying for you my friend.

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